Introductory Essay

My heart hurts tonight. It's knotted in upon itself, clenched tightly in the grip of the One who sends the tears to run coursing down my cheeks, welling from the store of the great love He bestows upon me.

Whoever said love hurts is right.

The tears remain within tonight. They spill out over the fingers holding my heart, drip out from beneath to run down His arm and land on the ground, at my feet.

I do not cry for myself alone. These tears are mine, but they are not of me. No, I am crying tonight for God, for the world, for all of His children, be they enslaved by sin or enslaved by Christ.

And as I cry, as I hurt, I think about the things that seem to hurt the most.

"Our Lord Jesus Christ said: Hear O Israel, The Lord our God is one Lord; and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it: Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets."

(Book of Common Prayer, ©1962, The General Synod of the Anglican Church of Canada, pp. 69,70.)

Love God. Then love your neighbour. The parable of the Good Samaritan tells us that everyone, even those we hate and those who hate us, is our neighbour. (Luke 10:25-37) Corinthians and Galatians teach us that love is to be treasured and shared above all other gifts of the Spirit. (I Corinthians 13; Galatians 5:22,23) We are shown throughout the Bible that our God is a god of love.

I make no claim to position of teacher or prophet. What little I know of God I have learned the hard way - by learning on Him and seeking Him and trying to listen to His voice. When I write as I do now, it is because something has been laid on my heart, and I need to express it.

When Moses encountered God in the desert, he was commanded to remove his shoes as a sign of respect. (Exodus 3:5) When Isaiah saw God and the seraphim in the throne room, he cried out because he recognized how unworthy he was. He begged to be cleansed, to be made holy before his Lord! (Isaiah 6:5)

How often do we remember to come before the Lord our God on our hands and knees, trusting not in the strength of our will or our deeds to save us from His wrath, but in the love and mercy of Christ?   "We are not worthy So much as to gather up the crumbs under thy Table. But thou art the same Lord, Whose property is always to have mercy..." (Book of Common Prayer, ©1962, The General Synod of the Anglican Church of Canada, p. 83.)

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23) If it weren't for Jesus, we'd all be toast. Nothing could save us from the fires of Hell, because we would all be sin, through and through, and God cannot abide sin.

Somehow we miss the awe and wonder and terror that should be a part of our relationship with God.

I fear that at times we become complacent, comfortable, familiar.

God is beyond description. He is beyond understanding, beyond the capacity of our feeble minds to even come close to grasping just a tiny piece of what and who God is. He created with one word. (Genesis 1; John 1:1-4) He can destroy with the wave of a hand. (Genesis 19:24,25) It is a privilege to be invited into His presence, to be loved the way He loves us.

There is something almost ridiculous in the way we come to God, whining and begging, confident in our own worth and how we deserve this or that. We 'deserve' nothing. (Exodus 19:5)

Everything we have in this world and the next comes from Him. It is only through His grace that we have anything of value.

How do I explain grace?

Grace is God's love for us. We don't deserve it, but He gives it to us just the same. He gives it to all people, all of the time.

Mercy is different. Mercy is the result of grace.

Grace sent Christ to the cross; mercy allows us the certain hope of Heaven. (I Timothy 1:13,14)

Don't get me wrong here; I'm not saying that we're just supposed to be scared of God, and that's it.  No, if we spend our lives afraid of our Creator, we will miss out on a lot of what He has in store for us.

But there is a certain amount of respect that His presence should command, and all too often, we do not show this respect. (Exodus 3:5,6)

We come before God singing our love and praises for who He is and what He has done, confident that we are clean and pure in His sight. (Romans 3:20a)

But are we really dressed in those robes of righteousness? (Zechariah 3:1-3; Revelation 7:9) Or have we allowed them to get dusty with the sin of our world - our sin - and forgotten to clean ourselves again? We need to come to the cross humbly, in the knowledge of just how inconsequential and unworthy we really are, crawling on our knees through the mud... look up through tear-filled eyes at our Lord and Saviour as He dies - for us, even as the sin is hardening on our clothes... and bathe in the cleansing power of His blood.

I think we forget that God is three distinct Persons. He is not just the terrible, powerful being of the Old Testament. He is not just the friendly, frail-yet-strong Man of the Gospels. He is not just the rushing wind of Acts.

No, God was, is, and shall forever be all three of these.

We do not need to live our lives in fear. God is not Zeus, sitting in his mountaintop palace, looking for places to throw his thunderbolts.

Neither should we dare to always treat God as casually as we treat our friends and family members. Christ is friend, lover, brother. We can tell Him all, bring our problems and weaknesses to Him, and rejoice with Him in our triumphs.

And never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit.

God is not dead, He is not asleep. He still sends visions and prophecies to His children via the Spirit.  He still performs miracles in the name of His Son. He is a living, acting entity on us and in our lives.  He is not to be worshiped only on Sunday mornings at church. We should not save our prayers only for when we need things.

No, we should be worshiping and praising an praying every moment of our lives! (Ephesians 6:18)  The Creator of all that is deserves nothing less.

Jesus said that we are to love all men, no matter their station or situation, as if they were Christ Himself - because they are Christ. (Matthew 25:31-46)

Jesus loved everyone. He spent all of His time on earth with the dregs of society - the people nobody wanted to have anything to do with. He touched sick people, (Mark 1:40-42; Matthew 8:2-4; Luke 17:11-19) talked of God with people who had no idea what or who God really was, (all the Gospels) and He was a friend to the friendless. (John 4:1-26)

Above and beyond accepting His friendship, I believe we are called to share that friendship, that love, with others, with everyone we come into contact with in a given day.

Sometimes a smile and a wave from a stranger will make someone's day. The girl you sit beside on the bus may be lonely and in need of some kind of decent human contact. The loud, rude bully probably has never had anyone really care about him. And the disruptive drunk deserves just as much consideration and dignity as anyone else in your life.

When Christians get together, 'church' becomes a social event. We say we come to worship, but do we really? How many of us attend events simply to hang out with our friends?

We turn against outsiders who threaten (challenge) our sense of what is right and good, and we argue with insiders who try to tell us - show us - where we have strayed from the path set before us.

In all things, love. (I Corinthians 16:14; I Peter 4:7-11) Acceptance. We are called to love everyone, to accept everyone. It's a challenge, but God wouldn't ask us if He thought we couldn't do it. And when it is difficult, then we have Christ to lean on and the Spirit to give us the words to say and the actions to show others. (Acts 2:14-41)

I haven't come across a Christian community yet that has done well with teaching all of these concepts to its members. Cliques still form, some still feel rejected, and the community is no longer a true reflection of Christ.

I am an Anglican by denomination, but a Pentecost Christian by faith. I love the first two chapters of Acts. I long to be touched by God in that kind of intense, loving way. It hasn't happened yet, but I feel Him moving in my life from time to time, gifting me as needed.

My heart is hurting again as I write these last words. The tears are there, just below the surface.

They are tears of grief, of sorrow, of longing for the lost. The pain is real - that of a heart broken in two over the waywardness of the saved.

At the end of Brian Doerksen's album, Father's House, there is a song called "Father's House Lament."  These are the words he wrote in the liner as a dedication of this song:

"John 2:13-17, Mark 11:15-17... One of my deep passions is for the union of worship and intercession.  This song was written in direct response to the gospel accounts of Jesus clearing the temple and Paul Cain's prophetic word.  Laments are plentiful in the scriptures, but they scarcely appear in our worship services.  Life is hard and the place to express that pain is in the Father's house.  This is also a song of repentance.  If we could see the prodigals and the children... one by one... waiting... longing for the Father... we would weep... and reach out."